


You're just a Punny Guy

by PokeeArt



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Bad Puns, Platonic Relationships, Post-Canon, Puns & Word Play
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:20:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25351522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PokeeArt/pseuds/PokeeArt
Summary: “I bet he was going to bee very surprised with the truth.” Josh interjects.Simon gives him a weak glare. Markus jerks a little at the word bee and turns to look at the sleek android. Josh is still smuggly smiling but now it seems even wider and more amused than before.“Was that….a pun?”(Markus suffers through the wonders of puns. A 5 +1 fic)
Relationships: Connor & Markus (Detroit: Become Human), Josh & Markus & North & Simon (Detroit: Become Human), Josh & Markus (Detroit: Become Human), Josh/Markus (Detroit: Become Human), Markus & Jericho Members (Detroit: Become Human), Markus/North (Detroit: Become Human), Markus/Simon (Detroit: Become Human)
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My brother recently played through DBH and got some really depressing endings. I decided to write this to cope. These characters mean a lot to me and honestly deserved better u_u  
> (not beta read, all mistakes are mine, feel free to point them out and I'll edit it <3)

1.

It’d been a relatively good day, spending some time with Carl and being weary of Leo’s presence in the studio. The older man was happily attempting to teach his son how to mix certain colors on a palette. Markus was busy molding a hunk of clay into the awkward shape of a dog across the table.

“You know what colors to mix to get green, right?”

“Of course, dad. I’m not a preschooler!”

Markus did his best not to tense at the whiney voice that itched an unhappy memory of the last time the three of them were in the studio. He carefully molded the dog's ear to be floppy. He wanted to get it as close as he could to resembling the pictures Connor had excitedly shared with him. He figured it’d be a nice gift for the deviant hunter, as he had admitted to not having gotten any kind of gift before.

Markus glanced over to see Leo sticking his tongue out in concentration as he mixed the blue and yellow paint together slowly. Carl chuckled and patted his son on the back.

“I hue you could do it.”

Leo flushed and stammered something but Markus was too focused on the strange word usage that he missed it. Did Carl just misspeak?

“Hue?” He interrupts. Leo at least looks slightly grateful as Carl turns his attention to the android.

“I hue you could do it. Like I knew you could do it, but with an artist's touch.” Carl explains, eyes alight with mirth and joy.

“It was a shitty pun, you could do better than that.” Leo interjects. Markus takes in the information, quickly looking up the word pun.

Pun; a joke exploiting the difference possible meanings of a word or the fact that words sound alike.

Markus cringes at the definition and replays Carl’s earlier statement and finds that yes, it qualifies as a pun. He’s not sure how to feel about it. He doesn’t quite want to admit that he actually agrees with Leo on something, so he keeps his face confused in the hopes that Carl will explain himself further. North had told him once that if someone has to explain their joke then it actually isn’t very funny at all.

Unfortunately Carl just enthusiastically responds, “I wouldn’t want to paint myself into a corner with these jokes.”

Both other men take a second to blink, processing the second bad pun in under a minute. Leo breaks first and covers his face with one hand, laughing lightly.

“That was terrible, dad!”

Markus silently agrees, unable to hide his distaste on his face any longer. Carl laughs too, loud and boisterous.

“Didn’t like that much did you, Markus?” He asks, a kind smile on his lips. Markus shrugs and looks back down at the hardening clay in his hands. The dog only has three legs and one shaped ear.

“Puns are the lowest form of comedy.” Leo mutters, swirling the paint brush around on his canvas. Carl playfully shoves him.

“Markus gets to decide what his sense of humor is, Leo.”

They both turn to look at the android. Markus fidgets, setting the ruined clay dog down.

“I’m afraid to say I didn’t find it very humorous either, Carl.” He says, voice tilted to the low side. Leo gives a quiet ‘see?’ before Markus continues, “It’s not really a joke, so I’m confused as to how it can be seen as comedy.”

Carl’s expression remains exuberant so Markus knows he hasn’t said anything to offend the older man.

“I guess it makes sense that you wouldn’t have a sense of humor. You’re such a straight forward, modest man, Markus.” Carl says. Leo sputters for a second and Markus just blinks slowly to process.

“It’s not that he doesn’t have a sense of humor, it’s that yours is so weird!” Leo argues. Markus finds himself reluctantly agreeing with the man again. It seems puns aren’t his cup of tea.

Carl and Leo argue playfully about each other’s sense of humor while Markus picks up the clay dog again. He supposes he could still give it to Connor. He could just say that it’s an abstract version of a dog. Connor would buy that. 

Carl makes another pun, loudly and proudly. Markus fights the urge to roll his eyes and just listens to Leo’s rebuttal as to why his father is the worst.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man I love giving characters with little too no personality in cannon personalities that make them seem like real characters and not cardboard cut outs of two opposing ideologies :)

2.

It was an unusually dry day at New Jericho and an even more unusual day off. The Jericho crew all laid about the funnel deck soaking in the sun while groaning about the heat. Notably North complained the most but refused to turn on her cooling system, choosing to basically ‘sweat it out’ like a human, or so she claimed.

Markus sprawled out by one of the railings, hand dangling down as he traced the bumps in the metal with his eyes. Simon laid nearby, facedown and still wearing his jacket and hoodie combo even with the heat. Markus was pretty sure he was in forced sleep mode because of overheating. He hadn’t said anything in awhile. But that wasn’t off par for the nervous blonde.

North was leaning against the railing across from Markus and was rolling her tennis ball around on the polished floor. Her skin was shiny from her ‘sweating’ though it didn’t seem to bother her much.

Josh was propped up on the window, probably to pull the coolness of the glass to counteract the heat from the sun. He was also the most shaded of them all. That might explain the smug little smirk he had on his face as Markus glanced over at him.

The leader of Jericho made a face back and Josh apparently took that as a sign to start a conversation. “What’s the weirdest story from humans you’ve heard but thought was fake?”

Everyone perked up at the question and took a second to think it over. Markus thought about mentioning the weird evening he had at Lieutenant Anderson’s house, via Connor’s invitation, which had apparently been about celebrating a birthday and the following conversation as to how human’s celebrated the fact that they were one day closer to death. That had been a strange evening indeed. He hadn’t even known he was supposed to bring a gift.

North spoke up first, “There was this woman who claimed that the stars predicted that she would have a, and I quote, ‘new experience would sour her day’. Turns out she’d bought spoiled milk. But I didn’t feel the need to tell her since she called me a plastic whore when I entered the store. So, technically I guess the stars can accurately predict things.”

Josh looks skeptical but Markus finds her explanation satisfying. “Human’s love to believe in the strangest things.” He offers. North nods, rolling the ball under her hands.

“There was one human down by the garages that thought the wasp hive was something he called a pinata.” Simon says, pretty clearly for having not moved at all. He was awake after all. 

“He of course was wrong, considering it was a wasp hive and was buzzing, but that’s not the point.” Simon continues, “A pinata is apparently a container of papier-mache, shaped like an animal that they beat with a bat of some kind until it breaks and candy comes out.”

North makes a scrunched disbelieving face and Markus hums his confusion as well. Josh is the only one who seems to have heard of this before, as he nods along to the description.

“I didn’t quite believe him and I think he could tell because he proceeded to try and break open the wasp hive to ‘get the candy inside’.” Simon says, finally rolling over and staring up at the sky.

“I bet he was going to bee very surprised with the truth.” Josh interjects.

Simon gives him a weak glare. Markus jerks a little at the word bee and turns to look at the sleek android. Josh is still smuggly smiling but now it seems even wider and more amused than before.

“Was that….a pun?” 

“Yep!” Josh replies happily. Markus makes a face to show his displeasure. North soon copies the look as well. Simon rolls his eyes and rolls back over.

“Why? They’re not funny.”

“On the contrary! They’re well thought through and take a high level of intellect to understand.” Josh defends, still looking a little too smug for Markus’ liking.

“Having to explain your joke doesn’t make it funny, Josh.” North states, her tone confrontational. Josh just grins at her.

“No reason to get buzzing mad over it, North.”

Markus feels his insides cringe. North makes to sit up, her face displaying aggression. Simon luckily clears his throat and ignores their antics to finish his story. 

“Anyway, the guy knocks the wasp hive down and wasps sting the shit out of him. He runs off and leaves me standing there in the garage with a bunch of angry wasps. Can’t say I ever want to see a real pinata after that. Might scar me for life or something.”

The rest of the crew hum their agreement. 

“And Josh?” Simon says.

“Hm?”

“They were wasps not bee’s so your first pun didn’t even make any sense.”

North howls with laughter and soon the conversation about puns is soon forgotten as everyone argues whether bees and wasps are similar enough to be compared. 

Or so Markus thought.

A week later he and Josh are making their monthly run through the city, quick checkups and picking up some supplies for New Jericho on the way.

They are running a bit behind thanks to Ralph's insistence that they try his baked chicken pot pie despite the fact that none of them had taste buds. Josh was happy to comply and Markus did his best to swallow it down.

Even without taste buds Markus could tell it was dry as shit. He smiled politely and said it was great, if only to please the anxious looking Ralph. Josh had laughed behind his hand and dropped his food in a nearby potted plant, making what he called later, ‘yummy noises’.

Markus was doing his best not to get stressed about them falling behind in their schedule but if they didn’t make it to the mechanic’s place in time the parts they reserved might be gone.

Afterall the repair of their only working tv was detrimental to his health. Without it he might have to interact with children androids. And after the fiasco with Alice, Markus wasn’t keen on repeating that.

Josh kept up his cheery disposition, not seeming worried at all.

“We’d better hurry, Josh. The mechanic’s place closes in twenty minutes and we need that part for the tv.” Markus urges, picking up his pace.

The other android nods, keeping up, before a shit eating grin splits his face. Markus’ inner antics alarm goes off.

“Yeah we wouldn’t want him to mark us late, would we Markus?”

Markus feels like he’s being electrocuted for a short second as the pun registers. He stops walking. Josh pauses a few steps ahead of him.

“Markus?” he says, an amused tint to his voice, not a dab of regret.

That settles it.

Markus slowly turns to his friend, face completely neutral. “Did you just use my name. As a pun, Josh.”

The other android laughs, “Yeah, pretty clever right?”

No, Markus thinks, not pretty or clever. He turns his head further, almost at an unnatural angle. “I don’t think that was. Very funny, Josh.”

“Uh..?” Josh finally sounds uncertain. “You didn’t like that?”

“No, Josh.”

The sleek android nods, smile dropping. “I understand.”

They stand about a foot apart. Markus slowly relaxes, Josh got the point and all is well now. He won’t do it again.

“I wouldn’t want to mark us as enemies, would I Markus?” Josh grins, large and smug and self satisfied.

Markus’ feet slap against the pavement as he chases Josh down the alleyway.

On the bright side they make it to the mechanic's in time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Josh is a cheeky git to Markus bc of all the heart attacks Markus has given him while they were gaining their freedom, it's equal exchange.
> 
> Fun fact:  
> The birthday party Markus mentions in this chapter (which is actually a birthday party Connor arranges for Hank!) is where Connor told him he's never received any gifts before.

**Author's Note:**

> I headcannon that Markus is reluctant frenimes with Leo bc while Leo is a dickhead, he's Carl's dickhead.  
> Fun fact:  
> Markus does end up giving Connor the deformed clay dog (which is based off of photos of Sumo if you couldn't tell). Connor loves it and has it sitting on the living room table despite Hank's complaints that it's an eyesore.


End file.
